Hinge, Designed to be Deleted?
Updated: May 21
I'm an honest person. At times, a little too honest. I'll walk away from a conversation asking myself why I just shared that thought with the cashier at Trader Joe's. It isn't because I enjoy over sharing, but I have this constant itch to understand myself. I can be uncertain about what my thoughts or feelings mean, and sharing it out loud can be extremely helpful. I'm not concerned about who I am sharing it with, as long as it helps me make sense of those emotions. If I only mentally process then it ends up becoming like a tangled rope that is impossible to untie.
I don't think people are always honest about their experience with love and their feelings for others. They shield their true thoughts because of the fear of them being unique. In this case, unique means that they feel something no one else feels. Which can be scary. Sometimes I will Google questions about what to do when I like someone. I pull up the search bar and type in "How often should I talk to my crush." There is no way I am the only one who does this. I wouldn't even be surprised if you have typed this exact question into Google. You know the feeling. You have a great conversation with someone you like in the morning, and then you see them later in the day and assume they think you are following them. I don't type this into Google because I want the answer. I do it because I want to see if other people have these same feelings as me. The same fears. It is comforting to know that you aren't the only one running circles in your mind, asking yourself whether or not you should approach her.
I'm going to share my honest opinions with you about the beginning of my online dating experience. Think of this as an intro to a never ending series of blog posts on love.
I don't have a lot of experience in serious relationships. I've had one girlfriend (waddup if you are reading this), and besides that have only been on dates. I never felt the need to get an online dating app at college because I would pass hundreds of attractive girls everyday. Shoutout to them Biola Ladiezzz. After graduating college it wasn't as easy to meet cute singles near me. So, the journey of online dating began.
I downloaded Hinge and took about three hours to create my profile. Most of the time was on deciding what prompts to use. I needed to make sure that I showed I was funny, but also serious. I needed to find a good picture of myself, but also with the bros. All the must haves of an online dating profile. I got my first match. I had the whole date planned out. I would take her mini golfing, and then, if it went well, I would ask her to get some food. We didn't get food. I think she said Fuck fifty times in the first hour. To each their own, but come on, it's a first date.
I went on a few more dates that were similar to this one. I'd match with them, go out on a date, and then it would end there. I usually knew whether or not there would be a second date by the first ten minutes. After this, I created 3 rules for online dating.
Never spend more than twenty dollars on a first date because it might not be worth it (Maybe this is cheap?)
Do something that is easy to cut short. You can't stop playing mini golf 12 holes in
Talk to them more on the app before you meet them in person. There are some easy signs to see if it won't work out.
After the first four or five dates, I had deleted the app several times. It would start driving me crazy and I would tell myself I was never going to meet someone on this dumb app. The problem was that I was losing focus of what was in front of me. You don't have to be looking to date someone solely online or solely in person. Online dating is just a means to expand the pool of potential people you could meet. People that you may never come across for any other reason.
I took this mindset back into the app and started swiping again. I started talking to a girl I enjoyed having conversation with. We went on a first date. It went well, and for the first time in my hinge history, I went on a second date. It also went well, and we sealed it with a goodbye kiss. There was just one problem. She had the same name as my ex-girlfriend. The only girlfriend I have ever had. It was impossible to not think about her every time I said her name. Not in an affectionate way, but just in a way that her freaking face would pop up in my mind. We went on six or seven dates and then it ended. She was an awesome person, and we had some good times, but something was missing. With the conclusion of these dates came my fourth rule in online dating, and dating in general: Don't date someone who has the same name as your ex-girlfriend.
I've continued online dating since then, but it hasn't been successful. I've been met with more mediocre first dates, flakey girls, and wasted time talking to people who don't really care about meeting you. It can be discouraging at times. The fact that you are being liked or disliked based off of your pictures and prompts is strange. You learn to understand it, and realize that it doesn't really matter what these random people think. The only person that needs to think you are cute is the person you spend the rest of your life with.
I have found myself getting caught in this trap, or idea. An idea that there has to be a grand story behind meeting the person I will fall in love with next. The person I marry. A story that will put tears in the eyes of the people at your wedding. You know those stories. How awesome would it be to be running on the beach and find love at first sight, or falling in love with your best friend. As awesome as this would be, it doesn't always happen. In fact, most of the time it doesn't happen. The truth is that it doesn't matter how you meet the person that you are going to marry one day. It might seem like it does now, but all that matters is that you get to be with them. Whether you fall in love with your local barista, or you meet online. The stories and memories can be made after you meet.
My whole life I have desired to love someone. For them to love me. To share my life with someone who knows my story and sympathizes with it, and I with theirs. Someone who accepts my flaws and doesn't try to change me. A girl that I can be happy doing nothing with. Just sitting on the front lawn drinking coffee. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy outside of this, but it still feels like something is missing.
Maybe this person is on Hinge, or maybe they are going to be my neighbor. I don't know, but I want to continue to share my journey with truth and authenticity. I want to show you the journey of a 24 year old man that isn't afraid to be real about how he feels. So, stay tuned to hear about my search for love. Free from shame for pursuing it, and full of excitement for where it takes me.